listentome's blog

laguna lovers

skin so soft
nightly snuggles before we get too hot
date nite
reality television
post-its
romance
baths
most documented
smile
you working
me studying
turning in my chair to steal a glance
bites
music, oh the music
seeing you for real
decorating
we make a great team
books, so many books
holding hands
random squeals of "girliness"
being the best me with you
the lambada, for sure
new pots with regular deliciousness
kitty drama
dreams of vacations, brownstones, and atlantic city all with you
change jar
david and cindy.
i can't help but want to talk to you .
sugar hangover
miss distracting you at meetings
crazy fights with wii
how i can get to you
we laugh so much
you're interested
walking arm in arm
the wedding
you by my side

me and kate grass

your heart so tender
and your love so sweet
i'm glad you were born and delivered to me.
ta da a little ditty

What celebrity do you most often get told you resemble? 
Submitted by Leets.  

Julia Roberts-hands down.

i've been on sabbatical i guess.
life looks completely different than it did months ago.
i'm moving to brooklyn in july
i'm going to acupuncture school in september
i'm starting the studies now
i'm gonna be so damn busy it's insane
i've made some amazing friends
i miss my friends from far away
fox
watching a lot of television
sleeping late
applying to jobs on craigslist
going on interviews
sleeping late
laundry piling up
i finally found a dog i would actually like to befriend
i'm joining a food co-op
i've implemented a candy curfew
some things haven't changed
reconnecting with old friends
forgiveness
major overhauls of the emotional nature

will my chocolate shake dreams come true? i'm going to find out this Saturday when I try out a shake in Jersey. I've never been to Jersey before...driven through it once but never seen any of it really. I'm excited.

i'm less than half way through my job and it is exhausting...who knew doing nothing could be so tiring. all i want to do is go home and lay with brinks after work but life is happening and i have all these things to do and meetings to go to and friends to meet. quality life problems.

i've still managed to keep thursdays as my home day. i like that i can set that structure for myself. i need to keep trying to set it in other ways-like when the hell am i going to put on the damn swimming suit and actually enter the pool?

here's an update:
been spending a lot of time in the slope
eating
watching greys
sleeping
staying warm
cuddling
kitties
eating
oh wait i said that already
taking some of the best pictures ever
seeing things all anew
new feelings
baths with bubbles
myspace
applying to acupuncture school
working in midtown
dancing all night....best night dancing ever
feeling comfortable
being pampered
being wooed
new
new
new
planning trips
planning life
planning adventures
looking forward

In The Alchemist a boy travels to far away lands seeking his dreams and along the way he realizes more than he thought he could ever be. I came to New York to become a social worker but once I got here I saw that my reasons for being here were not what i originally thought. I was supposed to come here but to see something different. it is taking me a lot of soul searching but i feel like each day that I am open to the universe, it tells me things. i get closer to my true purpose. i know that i was put here on this earth to help people to heal and to be of service. but i thought there was only one way, a way of suffering-of being with people's pain. a pain that i can't handle or bear. i can still be there though for those in need in a different way.

fear comes up a lot but i am following the omens and going where i am lead to find answers. i think i might have found an answer last night. it will take a lot of work to get there but it excites me, it excites me unlike anything ever. and it's sexy. i want to do something kind of sexy. when i think of myself doing one thing for the rest of my life, this fits. i can envision myself at 40 or 50 enjoying my life in this role. how empowering, how beautiful to see.

often it isn't what we expect or what we dreamed, it's better. faith will keep me going.

"when a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream" The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

01 Sideways

so i've been unemployed now for a bit and very wishy washy in terms of what in the world i want my life to look like but i often wonder why i never got calls back from those resumes i sent out. i am really qualified for the jobs i applied for and have great references but what?

i think it's all in my name. seriously. discrimination is real. my latino last name has been holding me down. i really think this is why. i have wanted to do an experiment where i send out resumes with a name like Aimee Smith or Aimee O'Neill. I bet i would get a lot more interviews this way but i haven't figured out how i would break it to them that my last name wasn't the same as my resume. that probably wouldn't go over well.

so i'm at a loss. my white-appearing (white-privileged) minority ass is not getting responses and there is no other reason behind it. it's frustrating as all hell.

on another note, i'm not sure about this film business. there are so many great things about it but i really don't think i can or would like to handle the hours on any normal basis. my body wouldn't be able to adjust to it that is for sure.
but i am going to keep looking and trying things out. i am working on a short film tomorrow and it's another 6am call time.

tonight i am going to an orientation for an acupuncture/chinese herbology program in the city. it's crazy to have so many ideas floating around in my head of things i want to do and to choose one is very scary.

hmmm. decisions decision

i have finally recovered from my 18 hour work day on a tv set. wow. it was one long ass day. i really like it though. i liked being on set. sure that probably wears off at some point, or maybe not. let's hope not. i worked the bells for the latter part of the day, which was terribly anxiety provoking.

this is the disturbing information i have received from yahoo weather. i ventured out in to this absurdity for two things. chipwich jrs and toilet paper. i bought some oj while i was there on a whim. it was fine as long as i hummed and skipped my way to the store with my hands holding my scarf over my face. so it's cold. i'm no wimp though so i can take it.

TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is my first little jobby-job as a production assistant. yay. i am so thrilled to the max even if i have to wake up at 4 am to get there and stay there for 16 hours i am just beside myself with joy. i can't wait, it feels like christmas eve almost. luckily i suffer from insomnia so i have medication on hand to put my little button face right to sleep when needed which should be now if i want to get my eight but i have to meet with my friend who put this little job in motion to get details so i don't fall flat on my little button face.

i've decided to stay in new york for awhile because i really just got here and i am not ready to go yet. china will be there when i am ready to go. i am going to look into maybe a month long gig. that would be more realistic and i would be able to get a cat sitter and all that. good thinking aimes. why thank you.

i talk to myself on the street, out loud. i attribute it to my happiness because it is just silly rambling and giggles. i amuse myself-i'm funny sometimes. at least i think so. the older i get the younger i feel. i think this 28 thing is going to be a good thing. it has been so far. i love my life.

the post office has been on my shitlist for the past month or so because they deemed my new yorker magazine "undeliverable." more news came last week when my loan company called to tell me that my mail was being returned to them. so i called. today i got my new yorker. in other scarier terms, i am supposed to be expecting a letter from my dad's wife. hopefully, this letter consists of her telling me how great i am and how sorry she is for not "letting" me have alone time with my dad- that she wants us to spend all the alone time that we can together and she will never be difficult again. here's hoping.

the topic lately in conversations has been friends. and i've been reflecting on the ability to make choices. i haven't always had this ability because i was ruled by guilt and shame. i still am sometimes but it feels like an uphill battle. i just think it is so freeing that i can make choices today. i can choose the people who i want in my life and i can change my mind. i love that. i mean, for so long i thought of all decisions as being so permanent and so much guilt would come up that i often didn't do what I wanted because of it.

but today i get to be different and do things for me that make me feel good and surround myself with people who i enjoy and who lift me. i love this life that i am leading and it is drama free and people know how to communicate and understand me. i really couldn't ask for anything more. well my dream job but that isn't really the subject now is it.

i had great fun with diana and suz yesterday and left feeling good. i always had great fun with rach. the people in my life are amazing. i love my friends. i'm just feeling really grateful right now i guess and needed to say so.

unfortunately, not everyone can be where i am at. people don't always like it when we state our needs or don't do what they want. it is out of my control. i keep my side of the street clean and that is all i can do. i can't control other people's reactions to the decisions that i make. often i am taking care of myself and that is all that matters.

growing is painful but i try to do it gracefully. like a lady. ha. i think i do pretty well. i haven't said anything or done anything that needs mending in quite some time and that makes me a proud person. i feel good. integrity.

i love february. it's easy i am a total romantic, red is one of my favorite color (with green which makes christmas-another day for presents) and i love hearts. when did i turn into such a little girl. i haven't always had a valentine and i have had some fun friend dates in the past years. i remember sitting in a meeting 6 years ago and crying saying-i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life like my mother. it's crazy how i thought my feelings would last forever back then. there was something terminal about everything i experienced. made for a lot of pain!

i started writing a story about my mom last night. about suicide. i really like it. i guess that is what is important right?! she is pretty funny.

i sang karaoke last night, i mean really sang karaoke. so much so that i lost my voice. i can't even sing. i had so much fun it was really cathartic. at the end of the night i was hogging a mic. seriously. me?! i think i will have to do it again, and again. of course i will practice and find songs that actually sound half way decent. but what a growing experience to go from the beginning of the night saying "i don't do karaoke!" to "that's my song"--really amazing. i had such a fun time with my friends too. i really love meliss. she is a good egg.

tonight i'm going to rice to riches. yum rice pudding. with diana and suz.

not quite sure when i started writing in sentence fragments. but it's a hard habit to break. it doesn't have to make sense to you. just to me.